Life and Times of Aizen Sousuke
by F50GRODT
Summary: After Aizen is sentenced to 20,000 years in prison, what happens to him? How does the ex-tyrant react to defeat? Humorfic, read for enjoyment and maybe a little plot. Warning: strong language.


A/N: Well, here's a story that is pretty much based on nothing but a crazy imagination. Mad OOC, but I find it funnier like that. This shit is entertainment people, all this "keeping in character" just cages your creativity in.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Bleach. Also, any offensive language is, well, part of this story so make sure you don't get squeamish over "ZOMG BAD WORDZ", it's rated T for a reason.

"I don't need to do that shit man, I want to make music that I can vibe to and still get paid."

"I'M TELLING YOU, the only way to make money in this industry is to appeal to them WHITE GIRLS! WHITE GIRL MONEY MY NIGGA," an angry Gin spoke to his client. Being a manager for a recording artist could be a chore, and he was finding out the hard way. It didn't help that his client thought he was the "best rapper alive" despite being 5 months away from releasing his freshman album.

"We in a recession and you're trying to cut off a good hundred thousand sales because of your pride? Man up, IZ." This was an interesting choice for a stage name, but the two had decided it was better than going by his original alias, especially considering the predicament he was in mere months ago.

* * *

_We have sentenced you to 20,000 years in prison._ He was dangerously close to the edge, even though he tried to hide his emotions. But who was he hiding from? Solitary confinement in Soul Society for at least 20 millenia meant that no one would bother him for a while.

What hurt the most was how his carefully constructed plan was destroyed by a 17 year old boy's invincible plot armor and his underestimating of a man he thought he had completely ethered centuries ago. All that work, and the end result was self-destruction from his own ambitions. And with nothing to do for the foreseeable future, the convict was hardpressed to not start smashing his head against the wall, if he knew where it was.

No reiatsu, no vision, not even an opportunity to speak. All because he got cocky at his sentencing and dismissed everyone as a hater. The worst part about his reiatsu restrainers is that he lost sense of time; all he knew was darkness, and it was eating at him. There's nothing he enjoyed more than a pursuit of knowledge. After all, that's what got him down the road of trying to overthrow the Spirit King.

Recently, he found that the only thing that eased his anger and disappointment in his failures was the numerous Jay-Z songs that kept playing in his head. In fact, it was Jay-Z's early cuts such as "Gotta Reach the Top" and, when his plan was more fully developed, "D'Evils", that gave him direction with his plan. Before Jay, there were many goals he had in mind, with overthrowing Soul Society being just one of them. Afterwards, he was sure of only one goal.

**_9 to 5 is how ya survive, I ain't tryna survive I'm tryna live it to the limit and love it a lot_**

At this moment though, he was only thinking one thing to keep himself afloat:

_**This is the number one rule for ya set**_

**_In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets_**

**_On the rise to the top many drop dont forget_**

**_In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets_**

Too bad all these thoughts couldn't help him get out of his situation. It wasn't fair; all he wanted to do was hustle hard and change the world. And now he was asking the universe: Can I Live?

_**Yes we can. Nobama**.  
_

_Huh? Nobama? _The new voice had him perplexed and somewhat amused. That wasn't a lyric he had heard before...but he could swear it was Jay's acapella voice.

_**Nobama, as in No Obama, because "Yes We Can" is Barack's phrase?**_

_I...don't follow._

_**Nigga what? These aint even lyrics or hooks and you're still buggin over a phrase? C'mon son!**_

Now Aizen was genuinely confused. What was going on? Who was speaking to him?

_How are you in my head, and who are you?_

_**Hahahahaha you know me, it's hovi baby!**_

_Interesting, Jay. _Always one to think on his feet, he played along._ How are we communicating like this?_

_**Funny story, remember how you got sealed up years ago and the Hogyoku thought you were too weak to control it?**_

_I do..._he answered, ignoring the fact that Jay-Z knew this information.

_**That's all my fault. **_

___How so?_

___**Well, let's just say they call me King Hov, copy?**_

He was shocked by the last statement. Could this really be the Spirit King talking to him right now?

_Are you…him?_

_**I was born a God and made myself a king, which means I downgraded to a human being. The Spirit King is my father. Remember when I told you he left to search for Uncle Ray? I was just saying that so no one would know his real identity.**_

_ Why are you telling me this, even if it's true I'm stuck here for tens of thousands of years, he responded, not sure what to believe anymore._

_**Don't worry fam. Let's just say I'm as big a fan of your work as you are of mine. You'll find out more as soon as I get you back to Earth.**_

If he could, Aizen would let out a long sarcastic laugh._ With all due respect, I don't think even you could get me out of this mess. It's a shame, my next stage in the plan was to make sure you would outsell Eminem from hereon in._

**_I appreciate that thought man but…do you really think you can fuck with me? Recognize bitch, Jay to the Z. I know yesterday you were crying that somehow, some way, you have to make it up out this life some day. Sit tight and let me explain._**

_Sorry Jay._ He wasn't trying to push his favorite rapper's buttons right about now.

_**It's alright. Pretty soon, you'll be able to floss if you wanna floss or kill if you wanna kill. I just need to give you some information. First of all, I am going to have you transported back to Japan to Roc Nation's imprint over there. Over there, you're going to meet up with an old friend.**_

_Who would that be?_

_**Gin. **_

_Friend? He wanted to kill me and I finally killed him. I don't want to work with him, even if you somehow revived him_. And why would he? Their pseudo-friendship ended on bad terms. It was more about who was deceiving the other one more.

_**Well, excuse me miss...yeah, you're acting like a woman right now. I beefed with Nas and 50 cent for years but I squashed it because I aint tryna let egos ruin a chance for good music and money. Also, you don't got the heart to look me in the eye and defy, cuz when I spit with murderer's intentions, everybody goes, everybody knows this, especially you.**_

He gritted his teeth at this situation. Meeting Gin again would be disastrous.

_**Calm down, I talked to him too. You two working together would be the best of both worlds. Something me and kellz could have had, until he had to go and pee on underage girls. Anyway, let's get this started. You ready?**_

_Yes, but won't Soul Society detect that I've left?_

_**Not at all, because I have my ways that not even the best of the 12th could detect. **_

Feeling reassured, he agreed._ Thanks for the second opportunity Jay, I appreciate it. Are you just going to give me the powers when I return to Japan?_

_**That's too easy, I have a plan for you. And you will obey it. Thou shalt not fuck with raw me or he face a thousand deaths from Mister Shawn Corey. **_

_Believe me, I know you squeeze first, ask questions last. That's how most of those so-called gangsters passed._

_**There we go.**_

He felt a splitting pain in his head for thirty seconds, after which he felt no pressure on his body. Slowly opening his eyes, the first thing he noticed was the bright light emanating from above, something he had not seen in a while. Looking around, he noticed that he was sitting within the reception area of a large, glass building. People dressed in suits were walking around, throwing around words like "Soundscan", "Singles", and "Charts" like it was nothing. Looking down at himself, the first thing he noticed was the jet black suit, tie and blazer he was wearing. Upon noticing this, he immediately looked at his hands and started flexing them to regain the feeling he had long lost.

Unsure of what to do at this point in time, he walked up to the receptionist desk.

"Excuse me...what is the name of this building?" The receptionist looked at him like he was crazy. "You're in Roc Nation's Japanese Division Headquarters. Do you have a meeting with someone here?"

"Don't worry, he's my client." He recognized that voice all to well and turned around to face a man he had already seen die before his own eyes. A silver-haired, treacherous ex-subordinate. What a great way to start the new life.

"Welcome back, Aizen."

* * *

It took a while for him to come to terms with, but Aizen Sousuke finally learned that Jay-Z wanted him to become a rapper. He hadn't talked to the media icon since his arrival on Earth, so he was naturally suspicious of Gin's intentions. However, the two had buried the hatchet a long time ago and were now looking to make a classic debut LP. Even in this download era, they knew they could do something that was as street-savvy as Illmatic, as aggressive as Get Rich Or Die Tryin', and as musically innovative as College Dropout, and then do one better. But first, they had to record some more diverse tracks.

The two had spent the whole day in the studio discussing track ideas based on both their experiences and prospective mainstream appeal. And here they were at a crossroads. The business-oriented manager needing the female-attracting single out of his talent, and the hard-nosed, idealistic artist trying to make music his way.

Even after everything they had done so far, this was about to be a whole new shitstorm.

A/N: Review! Tell me if you want me to make it more mainstream or continue with this humorous idea. BAWSE OUT.


End file.
